Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
