I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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