in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
