ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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