Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
