My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
