do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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