You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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