I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
