well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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