Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
