i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know her cup size but not her name....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
