She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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