I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The air was thick with penises
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
