Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
