i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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