it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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