508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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