Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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