so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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