awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
