5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
