i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize