dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
