Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
