I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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