i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
