My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize