She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
