maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
