i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
