the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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