She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
