Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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