Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
