omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm like, not good at living.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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