fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
