Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
