Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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