We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
