Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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