I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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