with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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