Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize