The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
