dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
