This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
