Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's official drugs can't kill me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is Oprah even human
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
