You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
