fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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