I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
