One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
