i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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