Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
