i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize