what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
