i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
