you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
