if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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