I didn't shave. On purpose
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
