I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
