Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
