omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
