im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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