Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have aggressive nipples.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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