i would punch a child for taco bell
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
