her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
