Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
