I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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