Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
