I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
