better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize