Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
