Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
