You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
