Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
