i don't like sucking hair
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will be naked everywhere
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
