omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
