Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
